August 9, 2008

100 thoughts

Filed under: Insomnii — by Isis @ 11:34 am

This morning I opened my eyes and for couple of seconds I didn’t realise if it was just a bad dream. I looked around in order to make my thoughts a little more clearer and I have finally understood that yesterday was real. I hate the day that just passed. It brought me a lot of pain and hundreds questions to which I proved to not be capable of finding answers.

My eyes got filled with tears. It was true…it is true even it seems so unreal. How can a person disappear just like that? What were her last thoughts? Did she had a bad premonition? Did she knew that in couple of hours she will not exist anymore?

I am morbid, I know. I try to move my mind to other things but I don’t manage to do this. I cleaned my kitchen three times trying to forget but yesterday’s events keep returning into my mind. It is not possible, it is not acceptable but it did happen and I will never see her again.

I tried to remember when was the last time I saw her alive. Must be over ten years. I don’t know exactly. I said ” Hello” and she just passed, without a word. I was so upset with her because of this because I didn’t do anything wrong to her. I was being punished for the deeds of other person. After years she tried to reconnect. And I refused. Not once, but many times. I refused to see her and now she is gone and we will never have the opportunity of solving our issues. It’s just not fair…well the tears are coming again…!

I need to stop here. I just want to ask… how to loose this thoughts? Is it any way to not think about it?


7 comentarii »

  1. no, it isn’t…it is what it is. you have to deal with it.

    Comentariu de samurai — August 11, 2008 @ 8:07 am |Răspunde

  2. love the new layout, by the way.

    Comentariu de samurai — August 11, 2008 @ 8:07 am |Răspunde

  3. thanks @samurai, I love it too!

    Comentariu de Isis — August 18, 2008 @ 8:20 pm |Răspunde

  4. What about not trying stop thinking about it, but think in a different manner about it …

    Remember that day has night, white has black, good has bad, woman has man and a coin two faces …

    There are, more probably, a lot of things coming out of the story of our lifes …

    Did you ever think about if it is fair someone else to live with these thoughts the rest of the life without you?

    You have the power to find what you lost in every thing or fact of your life.


    Comentariu de Looney Tunes — August 26, 2008 @ 12:10 am |Răspunde

  5. te-ai intors? 🙂

    Comentariu de cualtiochi — Septembrie 25, 2008 @ 8:22 pm |Răspunde

  6. stii, Paler spunea ca
    “Cu timpul vei invata ca incercand sa ierti sau sa ceri iertare, sa spui ca iubesti, sa spui ca ti-e dor, sa spui ca ai nevoie, sa spui ca vrei sa fii prieten, dinaintea unui mormant, nu mai are nici un sens.”
    asa ca.. va trebui sa inveti o lectie grea, sa te ierti pe tine insati (cauta Vraciul din jungla pe torente) si sa te impaci cu ceea ce nu poti schimba. ceea ce depinde de tine sa faci acum, e sa nu pierzi si ce mai ai, sa incerci sa traiesti frumos, fara a uita lectia. nu vreau sa fiu misogin, dar fetele au stilul asta.. pleaca fara sa stie de ce, alunga si apoi tot ele plang si le pare rau. Dumnezeu sa le mai inteleaga, ca ele nu cred ca pot. capul sus, sfarsitul nu-i aici, cum spunea Pittis.

    Comentariu de E-nigma — Septembrie 28, 2008 @ 3:47 pm |Răspunde

  7. @cualtiochi, m-am intors dar cateodata stau departe de „coltisorul” asta cu zilele.imi trezeste amintiri…

    Comentariu de Isis — Septembrie 29, 2008 @ 5:33 pm |Răspunde

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