This morning I opened my eyes and for couple of seconds I didn’t realise if it was just a bad dream. I looked around in order to make my thoughts a little more clearer and I have finally understood that yesterday was real. I hate the day that just passed. It brought me a lot of pain and hundreds questions to which I proved to not be capable of finding answers.
My eyes got filled with tears. It was true…it is true even it seems so unreal. How can a person disappear just like that? What were her last thoughts? Did she had a bad premonition? Did she knew that in couple of hours she will not exist anymore?
I am morbid, I know. I try to move my mind to other things but I don’t manage to do this. I cleaned my kitchen three times trying to forget but yesterday’s events keep returning into my mind. It is not possible, it is not acceptable but it did happen and I will never see her again.
I tried to remember when was the last time I saw her alive. Must be over ten years. I don’t know exactly. I said ” Hello” and she just passed, without a word. I was so upset with her because of this because I didn’t do anything wrong to her. I was being punished for the deeds of other person. After years she tried to reconnect. And I refused. Not once, but many times. I refused to see her and now she is gone and we will never have the opportunity of solving our issues. It’s just not fair…well the tears are coming again…!
I need to stop here. I just want to ask… how to loose this thoughts? Is it any way to not think about it?